Here's the wind-up fruit you requested. :-)
http://madartlab.com/2013/01/13/a-clockwork-a-clockwork-orange-orange/

Geo,
Regarding Blaine's letter, you might also remind him that since he's been diagnosed, he should qualify for ADA protection. While it's too late to help him with the job he already lost, it will protect him going forward. I have a similar experience, having lost a librarian position in 2009; I sought and received my Asperger's syndrome diagnosis. I was hired by a new library in 2010 but quickly ran afoul of my new supervisor and was on the verge of losing that position as well. Disclosing my A.S. DX literally saved my job and made my boss and county HR "back off" and work with me on reasonable workplace accomodations. While I did have to accept a demotion, I was able to keep a full-time job with benefits--no small thing in this economy. Although I'm woefully under-employed for my level of education and expertise, I do at least like my job. Speaking of Schadenfreude, my bully of a supervisor was recently fired, which put a spring in my step. Best wishes to Blaine; I looked up his condition on Wikipedia at it seems there's a lot of crossover with A.S., so my heart goes out to him.

Regarding the Bill O'Reilly comment, I'd be happy to think of Christianity as a philosophy if that meant getting rid of the tax exempt status it currently enjoys.

Regarding the radioactive item on your Xmas list (I can't remember exactly what you called it), here's a list of toys they'll never make again. #1 is a science kit that came with real uranium! Also, I considered fulfilling your Ikea catalogue wish for a brief, psychotic moment. Then realized just how many umlauts there would be and came to my senses. Wow, this comment is getting depressing now that I've told you two presents you're NOT getting. Happy season of reason!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ddisabatino/8-banned-kid-toys-from-yesteryear-6sel